Looking in All the Wrong Places
by mentalbint
Summary: spike is torn between two possible loves. he talks to lorne and decides to confront them both but ends up i the arms of someone completely different. Slash fic, quite angsty.


Spike watched from the roof of the building as Angel slew the group of vampires in the alley below. There were about six of them all male and Angel seemed to have no trouble killing them all with and amazing grace. After the fight was over, Angel picked up his weapons which had been scattered across the alley and walked over to a dark corner of the alley where he reached out to help up his friend.  
Fred reached out for him to pull her up from the cold ground, she said something to angel which was inaudible to Spike he looked at her thin body as she limped from the alley, and he knew that he would never have a chance with her but recently had come to find an attraction to her. Spike could constantly be found down in the lab just talking to her. He loved to spend time with the young physicist. She was a breath of fresh air and so different from the girls he usually liked.  
Then there was angel his sire and a fixation of his for many years usually it was his obsession of his to hurt and destroy angel, but recently spike had begun to have dreams. These dreams had proved that there was a thin line between love and hate for spike and that angel was now also an object of his affection.  
Confused and hungry spike decided that he would go to the local burger place and think things over.  
He sat down in the plastic booth and the waitress came over and took Spikes order, as he was waiting for his order he began to hum to himself while he was doing this he didn't see Lorne enter the burger bar and sit down in the booth next to Spike.  
Lorne listened as the vampire hummed to himself reading what was in spikes soul Lorne learnt what the blonde vampire felt for both Fred and angel he was astonished to find that spike was in love with both of them deeply.  
Spike had received his burger and began eating it before he noticed that Lorne had moved into his booth.  
"Hello Spike" Lorne said making spike jump a little.  
"Oh great. Mr Green and horny come to spoil my late night snack. What do you want then?" Spike asked angrily he had wanted to eat and think in peace and the psychic demon was wrecking that.  
"Well sweetie I just sat there and heard you humming yourself a pretty little ditty and I ca see you got some serious confusion going on in there."  
"Yeah and what of it, since when did what I'm thinking become any of your annoying business" Spike snarled back at him he was in no mood to have to listen to anyone telling him what he was feeling.  
"Honey you got some major hurting going on, torn between two very unrequited loves and they ain't even of the same sex. Do you want the 240 year old that in effect made you what it is you are today and make a major lifestyle change? Or do you want the cute little lab angel who can never stay with you coz your never going to get any older and she will?"  
"Like I said is it really any of your bloody business?" still not wanting to open up to Lorne he had never really talked to the demon but now he felt that he needed to talk to someone about his predicament and he seemed to be the only one prepared to listen.  
"Come on Spike its not like I'm going to run and tell angelkins what you said about him now is it?"  
"Ok but if you say a bloody word ill make sure I forcibly insert those horns of yours where the sun ain't likely to shine any time soon ok?"  
"Fine I wont say a word ok?"  
"Right well you know that me and angel have known each other for a century and a bit right." Lorne nodded and spike continued "Well most of that time we hated each others guts, except when the girls were away. Then we'd have a good ki."  
Lore interrupted "Girls?" "Yeah Darla and Dru they'd sometimes go off on there own for a couple of days. Anyway when they did this me and yours broody would go out and hunt and after a good kill we'd get a little closer than id like to remember. Any ways we never mentioned it to the girls because they would go bloody ape if they knew that when they weren't around we were a couple of bloody great poofs." Spike took a bite out of his huge greasy burger and continued with his story  
"Anyway after angel got back his soul all this stopped and he left the gang. I hated him again and he hated me and I thought nothing of it I never told anyone what we had gotten up to on those lonely nights and I got on with my life. Any way I turn up at Sunnydale years later and find him and little miss smutty slayer all curled up and ready to shag." Lorne looked at spike the anger that had washed overt the vampires face upon even thinking about Buffy was to painful and wrenching for him to do calmly.  
"Then they did and the world went topsy turvy and again I fell for Mr Boss man. Again. But then Red re-ensouled him and again the hatred was back, he wouldn't even talk to me without making snide hurtful remarks. Anyway I fell for Buffy after he had left and that's when I thought I was free of him that I had finally gotten my crazed infatuation out of my head, but then I died and turned up in LA, and Angel had become all dark and broody and now he was the boss which meant that I fell for him again I always liked a guy who was in control and powerful" When spike stopped Lorne looked at him for a couple of moments before speaking he was taking in what the vampire had said trying to weigh up his emotional tie to angel and why the hell he couldn't get over him.  
"Ok so that's angel. Pretty much a fine line between love and hate deal there sweet cheeks. So what about little miss lab coat then?"  
"Well Fred made me corporeal which meant that I spent a lot of time down in the lab with her just talking and trying to help her, she was the only one who was really kind to me and who didn't snap at me every time they saw me. So feelings grew and I found out that I really like her. I mean she's smart and funny she's sexy yet innocent and those eyes," Lorne smiled at his description of Fred he knew exactly what he meant and he could see that the vampire's feelings for her ran very deep.  
"Do you love her?" Lorne asked  
"Maybe, I don't know that's why I'm here to try and work out what the head is going on in my damn head." Spike was getting angry again and had finished his burger. He and Lorne got up and spike left a tip on the table as they left the burger joint. They began to walk down the street towards the Wolfram and Hart building still talking and trying to work out spikes problem.  
They came to the conclusion that he should talk to both Angel and Fred about his feelings and that then he could make his decision on which it was he liked.  
Spike entered the building and walked up the stairs alone, making almost no noise as he went he thought o himself 'I'm going to need some Dutch courage before I talk to anyone.' So he walked into Wesley's office as he knew that here was always a bottle of Whiskey hidden in there somewhere.  
He began searching the room looking behind book cases and in drawers he didn't notice Wesley and Fred walk into the office. Wesley slammed the big wooden door of his office startling spike.  
"Hey, you shouldn't sneak up on a vamp like that, never know if he might turn around and bite you." Spike said clutching the newly found scotch.  
"Spike. What are you doing in my office?" Wesley questioned. He looked pissed off but behind him Fred seemed to be stifling a giggle. She had told spike it always made her laugh when Wesley got angry.  
"Oh, isn't he masterful?" spike teased "I'm stealing stuff do you mind?"  
"Yes I mind that is my scotch and you can't just go waltzing into people's office taking things that don't belong"  
"Yes sir" spike saluted him mockingly and walked out of the office scotch in tow.  
  
Spike walked down the hall towards Angel's office pausing every now and again to take a large gulp of the scotch; by the time he had arrived he had consumed almost half the bottle and was starting to feel the effects. He pushed the door of Angel's office open and wandered in to the room.  
There he saw a sight which almost wrenched his heart out. On the desk angel sat with harmony he was leaning towards her whispering in her ear his hand up her skirt. Whatever he had just said to her she began to giggle. She lent towards him and kissed him passionately on the lips this hurt spike the most and he turned on his heels and walked out of the office before he was noticed by either of them.  
He stormed down to the lab tears streaming down his face he tried to conceal them from passers-by by keeping his head down only lifting it to drink from his rapidly decreasing supply of scotch. Harmony and Angel' he thought 'that little bitch I made her the vampire she is today and she betrays me'  
He reached the darkened lab and slumped down in one of the darkest corners and finished his scotch, he was still sobbing when Fred walked in and turned the lights on.  
She didn't realise that she wasn't alone at first until she heard spike knock over the empty bottle beside him. "Hello?" She said grabbing the heavy microscope from the desk next to her. Spike stood up wobbling slightly and slurring as he spoke. "It's just me" he said smiling at her. "Oh spike you scared me half to death you should have told me you'd be down here." "I didn't know I'd be here." he slurred "But there's summat I've got to tell you Fred. I like you a lot and you've helped me through so much this past few months and well I just like you."  
"That's nice spike. Now I want you to go upstairs and sleep the scotch off and we can talk in the morning." She said ushering the confused vampire out of the room and up the stairs. Spike once again was crushed he had opened his heart to the girl and she hadn't realised that every drunken word he had just said was the truth.  
Spike was pissed off now and decided that he was going to go and see if he could find anymore scotch in Wesley's office. He reached the office door and stumbled through it to see Wesley sat at his desk watching the drunken vampire "Bugger." Spike said. His plan busted.  
"What do you want now spike?" said Wesley infuriated at the blonde vamps return.  
"Well I came to talk to you and ask your advice and to see if you had anymore scotch." Spike answered only a third of what he had said being true.  
"I don't think that you should drink any more do you? And what is it you wanted to ask me?" Wesley questioned still not trusting the vampire but watching him with fascination spike staggered towards the chair and slumped down into it.  
"Well there are two people who I think I am in love with and one of tem is screwing my ex and the other one didn't believe me when I told her."  
Wesley looked at him astonished at his revelation he had never known that spike was bi-sexual or even bi-curious he always seemed to be with a woman and very straight. Mind you thinking that only Lorne knew that Wesley himself was bi and that was because he had caught him singing in the shower.  
Spike watched the ex-watcher intensely hoping that he had the answers to all his problems. However upon looking he noticed something that he had never seen before. Wesley was a very attractive man. Spike liked his slightly unshaven look and the way he removed his glasses to talk.  
Wesley stood up and moved from behind his big wooden desk to sit opposite spike in one of the big comfy armchairs. He began by asking spike who these people were but spike refused to tell him. So Wesley tried a different approach. He walked over to his cabinet and retrieved another bottle of scotch. He decided that spike would probably tell him if he were drunk.  
Within an hour both were sat on the floor very drunk with an almost empty bottle of scotch at there side they talked of other things about England and what they missed about it, about Lilah and Cordy and then they both sat up and looked at each other.  
They had never spent more that twenty minutes together before. It turned out that they had been talking for almost 4 hours, and secretly admiring each other.  
Spike thought how much the ex watcher had changed since they had first met how much more relaxed he was.  
Wesley thought how much more calm spike had become too how now he had a soul he was more William than Spike. He wished that it could be his William that he could trace his defined cheek bones with his finger and kiss his pale lips.  
Spike wished that he could kiss Wesley feel his stubble against his chin run his fingers through his hair.  
While they had been deep in thought neither of them realised that they had been sat face to face in silence for about three minutes. There faces were only about 6 inches away from each other so close that spike could feel Wesley's heart rate increasing. Spike took the last mouthful of scotch but missed and some dribbled slowly down his chin. Wes raised a hand wiping it up with his finger. Spike then lent in and licked the alcohol for his finger. He moved in to kiss Wesley gently on the lips. He pulled away to see Wesley's reaction but instead he pulled him back kissing him with more passion and more hunger. Spike could feel how much Wes wanted this and Spike wanted it too. Spike nibbled his lower lip before puling away from the embrace.  
"Well as it turns out I was wrong about who it was I loved." He smirked sexily at Wesley.  
"Were you?"  
"Yeah turns out id picked the wrong ones I should have been looking at you instead."  
"What?"  
"I love you. You stupid sod." Spike gleamed and Wesley kissed him again  
"I love you too. Always have."  
They continued to kiss until falling into a drunken slumber, lying in each others arms on the carpet of Wesley's office. 


End file.
